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the woodchuck

it was a senseless death
i watched her suffer for a few moments
her belly convulsing heavily in and out
struggling for breath
her paw mangled from the accident
stretched out to the air
reaching for air to breathe
for life to live
for just one thing to ease its suffering

i walked quickly into the building
looking for someone
to help me put her out of her misery
a clunk on the head with a shovel
quick—the pain over

i couldn't wait for someone else
no one would do what i needed to do
i decided i'd have to run it over
good and done—no more pain

by the time i got back out
she looked blissfully asleep
her eyes closed in happy dreams
a puddle of her own blood surrounding her still body
no more heaving for breath
no more reaching out for help

i know now that i should have sat with her
helped her find her end by experiencing it with her
i ran instead
looked for someone to finish her off
then would have done it myself
all things live and die with suffering
all we can do is sit quietly with the suffering
breath it in as she breathed it out

Copyright 2008 by Stephanie Erickson